


Take It Back

by Anonymous



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: All Your Faves Are Trans, Buffalo Sabres, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 21:59:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18837607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Casey's never been good at feeling comfortable in the locker room.But Jack's a darn good captain.





	Take It Back

Casey runs through his now-usual postgame routine; chatting with teammates as long as possible and then dicking around on his phone until everyone else has made it out of the showers. Nobody notices, or if they do they’re used to it and don’t say anything, but Casey doesn’t fully relax until he’s done showering and is dressed again and ready to go back into the probably empty locker room.

Except he only gets about two seconds to relax before he notices Jack, still sitting shirtless in his stall. Nobody else is in the room and everyone else’s stuff is gone for the night, which means this is almost certainly intentional.

“Hey, Casey,” Jack greets him, turning off his phone and tucking it away. Casey very carefully keeps his gaze on Jack’s face, pushing away the jealousy that bubbles up in his chest at Jack being so casually shirtless.

“Where’s Sam? I thought—“ Casey tries for lightness, but judging by Jack’s expression, misses the mark.

“I wanted to stick around and talk to you.” Great. So that means this is Captain Jack, and maybe he knows and Casey doesn’t know how he’s going to react.

“About what?” Watch Jack’s face, just his face. He can keep better track of Jack’s reactions then and not betray himself.

“About you never changing in the locker room and always waiting for everyone else to leave before you shower,” Jack says, and yep, there it is. Casey opens his mouth to speak but Jack keeps on going. “If you tell me it’s none of my business and to fuck off, I’ll never mention it again. But if you’re worried about guys in here making you uncomfortable, I promise you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Thanks, Jack, but I—“ Casey chokes on the words, flailing. Jack’s definitely helped create a welcoming locker room, but there’s a difference between Sam and Jack being openly out and dating and there being a trans guy in the locker room.

“Casey,” Jack says softly, and Casey tears his gaze away from the floor. Eyes on Jack’s face, not his undoubtedly toned chest. “You can talk to me about anything, you know that?”

“I really can’t,” Casey blurts out. He hasn’t even been able to tell Rasmus about it, and they share a house.

“Look,” Jack says, and gestures towards his chest. Casey tracks the movement without thinking but snaps his eyes back to Jack’s face the moment he realizes what he’s doing, refusing to process anything. Jack sighs, tugging at his hair in seeming frustration. “Just look, come on.”

Casey keeps his eyes locked on Jack’s for another moment before Jack nods, and lets his gaze travel downwards. Broad, freckled shoulders, thick muscles, and—scars. Very familiar scars.

He feels himself gasp and looks back up at Jack, his emotions doubtless all over his face.

“You’re—those are—“

“Top surgery scars,” Jack confirms, jaw a little tight. “So if you’re worried about the guys having a problem with anything like that, don’t be. But you don’t have to say anything, if it is or isn’t, I’m not trying to—“

“I’m—uh,” Casey interrupts, swallowing hard as some of the tension loosens from his chest. “Um. Me too. I trust you,” he adds, because he really does and that seems important, now. Confident as Jack seems to be, Casey doesn’t think it can ever be easy to come out to someone.

“Thanks for trusting me,” Jack says softly. 

“I’m—I don’t know how to, with everyone,” Casey admits, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He can’t keep meeting Jack’s intense stare through this conversation, so he gazed around the locker room, taking in the now-familiar decor. Decor that’s supposed to mean team, and family.

“I know it’s not that easy, but you really don’t need to worry about the guys here. I came out to most of them before my first game, and I’ve already talked to the new guys this season. So I doubt anybody will say anything, and I’ve already answered the questions that people have about it,” Jack says with a small smile. “We’ve got your back, for real.” 

“Thanks, I—that means a lot,” Casey says, then shakes his head. “Before you even played a single game in the NHL? How—I mean, I can’t even imagine.”

“I didn’t want to deal with it,” Jack says with a shrug. “I can give you the speech I gave them, if you want.”

“You still remember it?” Casey asks. Jack’s only been in the league in the league three years, he supposes, but it seems like longer. Casey can’t even imagine feeling as comfortable as Jack seems to in the locker room. But maybe he’ll be able to get there. It seems about a million times more likely now than it did twenty minutes ago.

Jack grins ruefully. “I practiced it so much. I was scared as shit, to tell you the truth. But I didn’t want to hide or be worried about people finding out later, and I figured management wouldn’t trade their second overall pick right away. But it sure as hell wasn’t easy.”

“What’d you say?” Casey asks, more than a little curious now.

“‘Hey, I know some of you have been wondering about the scars on my chest. Some of you also might’ve noticed more when I change, about what I don’t have. The scars are from surgery to remove my boobs, and I don’t have a dick. Because I’m trans. I’m a trans man, and I’m here to play hockey. So if you have questions, you can ask me, but if you have problems, don’t, because I’m here to play,’” Jack quotes. “Nobody gave me the shit I thought they would. I got a few comments about a girl playing hockey but those got shut down fast. And a few weeks later, Sam came out to me as gay, said he was inspired by my coming out. God knows why, considering it was a mess, but he did, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been now.”

“Oh,” Casey says, softly.

“I want here to be that for you too, Mitts,” Jack says, finally getting to his feet. “We’ve got a really good group of guys here. When or if you feel comfortable, you can trust them.”

“Yeah.” Casey takes a deep breath. “Yeah, I—yeah.”

He closes his eyes for a moment and yanks off his t-shirt before he can think too much about it. It’s the first time he’s been shirtless in front of anyone in a locker room since he was a kid and still playing on women’s teams.

“Can I give you a hug?” Jack asks, expression never wavering, and that of all things is what makes Casey want to cry. Instead he nods jerkily and lets Jack wrap him in a tight embrace. Maybe...maybe Jack’s right. Maybe Casey can just be himself in the locker room for once. 

“Want a ride home?” Jack asks when he finally lets go. 

“Yeah, that’d be great. Dahls drove us both in but I guess he must’ve left already.”

Casey pulls his discarded shirt back on, willing himself to not blush. Jack’s the last person here who’s gonna judge him, even if he’s unfairly muscular and his scars are faded to a point that Casey can only hope his own will get to.

“He was pretty reluctant to leave without you, you know,” Jack says as they both gather their belongings. “Sam had to practically drag him out of the room.”

“He’s a good friend, a good roommate,” Casey says, maybe too quickly. “He’s...nice.”

“He is,” Jack agrees, slinging an arm over Casey’s shoulders and steering them towards the parking garage. “You know, he asked a lot of questions when I sat him down to talk about the whole trans thing.”

“He was?” Casey asks, heart sinking. It’s not like Rasmus would’ve been interested in him anyways, but he really wasn’t hoping to hear about how Dahls might hate him.

“Not in a bad way!” Jack hastens to clarify. “It just seemed like a really new thing for him. Asked a lot of questions in a curious, wanting to be careful not to say or do anything offensive way. Like he just wanted to understand all about it.”

“Oh,” Casey says, and he’s pretty sure his heart rate should drop to a normal rate now, because apparently Ras isn’t going to hate him, but it just keeps on pounding away.

“He might be a good person to talk to, if you want to do that,” Jack suggests gently. “And you’re welcome to still direct him to me with any questions if you don’t want to deal with that. But like you said, he’s nice and he’s a good friend of yours.”

Rasmus is probably the last person Casey wants to come out to, to tell the truth. A bad reaction from him would hurt more than just about anyone else on the team. But he thinks maybe he is ready to start coming out to people. Maybe Sam, who so clearly looks at Jack like he’s the source of all the sunshine in the world. But first—

“Um, also,” Casey says to his shoes. “I’m bi. Just—yeah.”

Jack squeezes his shoulder. “Thanks for telling me. I’ve got your back.”

And it’s not lip service, is the best part. No matter what, Casey can trust his captain to actually have his back. And maybe even the rest of his team.


End file.
